A message from Anonymous
your mother sells drugs?

APPARENTLY. 

I have apparently just licked up pure heroine. Found a baggy in this thing my mother gave me, smelled it and thought HEY IT’S PROBABLY A SEASONING, LEMME LICK IT UP AND SEE. So I dumped some on my desk and licked it and it was strong and I called my mother and she said “Oh, yeah it’s heroine, kinda like speed. Didn’t know I had any left over, I thought I sold it all.”

god dmanit

stacksbreadup:

This deadass the funniest tweet ever.

stacksbreadup:

This deadass the funniest tweet ever.

thorxndor:

since I’m 18 now I had to call the hospital myself to get test results and I was simply planning on saying that I had a blood test last week and if I could get the results back but when the woman answered I said “I want my blood back” and hung up the phone, so I’m never trying that again

quackenbuschlight:

"50 Shades of Grey: The Movie." Or, as I prefer to call it, "American Psycho 2: Watered-Down Problematic BDSM Boogaloo."

klarolicityswan:

every year. 

klarolicityswan:

every year. 


meaganholloman here we go! finished version 

// unintelligible screaming 

meaganholloman here we go! finished version 

// unintelligible screaming 

meaganholloman

Go follow, they are the greatest thing ever oh my fuckin’ god.